1:31 p.m. - 2006-01-17
caution.
why can't i fit into pieces like that?
why can't i show you my piece of the puzzle? this blanket of dust and earth
and galactic matter that is everything at once. our world. yours, mine, and infinety
if there ever was one. is this me running or am i just reaching to you? what your not showing or what i cannot see because these brains constantly have to filter life out. why can't we have that? am i refuting my destiny? do i challenge yours? am i so confused by this gaping whole in my heart (that thing i want so easily to understand) that i never quite get the picture? am trying too hard to master this machine? learning how to put things into focus. i want you as my lover but i don't want to equate that into my past no more. even though it always catches up. you are special. i'm afraid of that binding me. i am taking another stance on the matter. questioning what matters to me. the bigger picture. i also wonder what you are feeling at the moment. i know you are busy and this stuff can waite. i'm sorry if at any point the other night i came off as being insensitive. now i feel weird around you. i have a sentamental absession with intensity. lest life be anything else.
