8:30 p.m. - 2006-02-18
i want to give you my heart.
.02-17-06.
in all of it's glory, these days of days of days have brought nothing but sunlight
and warmth until it fluctuates again (i've been riding around in a tee-shirt).
but then..today, in the places where the buildings blocked the sun, i got cold
and found as the sun did moved on, i was left, ill-prepared. (dejavu!!)
oh ivy,
you my dear are a gift. possessing natural talent. you have touched me in ways i
have never been touched before and feel that there are very special reasons as to
why things like this happen. i would like nothing more than to share these lives
with you. already i have been so many things. and i know in my heart i will always
be, continuity. i must confess...i have this sick fantasy of falling deeply and
passionately in love in the most wholly of holy ways with someone something other
than myself. this subconscious choice has taken me "me" away so many times. and
it is not until recently that i have began/begun the task of discovering who i
truly am. that is my gift to you. and it is unconditional.
.02-18-06.
waking up to your voice this morning was magic. i am so glad that you called.
remember how i told you it had been warm and then raining? after i got off the
phone with you i looked out the window and it was snowing, furiously. that's what
i mean about fluctuation. taking it in. i feel confident about the potentiality of
our existences. i feel deep gut love and it is strong and penetrating, loyal and
unlimitating and i too know in my heart i will always love you no matter where the
winds of life take us (and that is a promise). i am learning love. and i guess what
i'm trying to say is that no longer do i have any fear or feel unprepared of it
ever leaving. i honor it and am honored by it (for every moment) and the love you have
so openly shown me. i know that that will never go away and it is in us all the time.
i have spent most of the day in my nook listening to ambient sounds under white X-mas
lights. with sage and such. this is where i want to be. writing these words to you for
you from me. i believe in what you say and know that your feelings are true. i want you
to know that.
i think we all need a little something to hold on to. let us grow wings and fly.
ps. i need a picture of you to hang above my bed.
your loving confidant, kate
