9:58 p.m. - 2009-02-03
that's the ticket.
i went on a tangent last night but then i deleted it. i've been doing that alot more these days. ??? . things have been good lately. i'm still unemployed. boiling beans. burning beans and boiling peanuts. i've been super lax but now it's kinda getting down to that point when my transient survival skills kick in and my capricorn tendensies arise. i've been taking a new approach to life. i think that's whats been clearing the hetty from the air. i've decided not to be so hard on myself anymore (finally on purpose). i've know about this little trick prolly forever but it's one of those character flause i feel like you just can't rush. i know i should do alot of things for myself but most things feel unnatural to me and i'm a stubborn mother fucker so if it's not something i'm fully able to experience with my whole self (presently) i would much rather waite it out faithfully, grow a little wiser, than use my wherewithal on youth. all things in good time. only (and this is what changes it all ) i've also thought it was ok, even reasonable, to allow myself to feel judgement, judgemental and, judge by others, critisized, and even at times berated because and only because i too was still so harshly judging myself. and that my friend is where it all kicks in. that is the ticket. the dream is lost..she wakes up..and it is time to start the day.
